Right now, I have what my kids call a “computer job”. I’m a senior executive at a tech company leading the marketing team. I make good money. I like my team.
And any day now I’m going to snap and quit my corporate job.
Don’t get me wrong, I love work. Probably to a toxic degree. I’m not sure who I am or what I’m worth if I’m not working. My first job out of college I worked 80+ hours a week, and I never slowed down.
I made big sales $$ in my 20’s. I founded a business in my 30’s. I’ve spent 17 years working, grinding, and building start-ups. I have the title and paycheck I want. I “made it.”
So why am I about to throw away my successful career to write?
The corporate burnout is real, aka the fun is gone
I know, work is work. It’s a job. It’s not about having fun. Except, it is. I do my best work when I’m having fun. When I have coworkers I can be real with, a mission I believe in, customers I can support, and cool problems to solve.
My job used to be that way. But it’s been less fun for a while now. Maybe since we did layoffs? Or before that, Covid? Or since the awful toxic boss?
I don’t know when the fun started leaking out, but at this point, the balloon is flat. I feel the Sunday scaries every. single. Sunday.
I’ve hit the career ceiling in my corporate job
I’ve learned so much in this job, and I’ll always be grateful. But after seven years, I’ve plateaued.
My boss is actually pretty great, but she doesn’t know how to do my job. She can’t teach me how to get better at it. There isn’t a more senior role for me to get promoted to, so I’m not going to get a raise.
After working so hard for so many years to climb up this career mountain, I’m looking around and feeling this big anticlimax. It’s kind of cold and windy and lonely up here at the career ceiling I’ve hit.
I can afford to quit my job
I have saved up enough money to live on. I don’t have car loans or credit card debts. This is mind blowing and privileged, but it is a realistic option for me to just not have a job for a while. My husband is fully supportive (actually, it was his idea). If I want to quit my job. If I can afford it. What if I just…do it?
So, that’s the plan. This summer, I’m going to:
- Cook at my kids’ summer camp
- Recover from burnout
- Read tons of fantasy books
- Try writing my own novel
The guilty feeling as a woman leaving senior leadership
I keep thinking about the 2023 LeanIn.org study about how women are underrepresented in the workforce and how that’s getting worse. The study found women in senior leadership roles (just like me) are quitting at a higher rate than women are getting promoted into those roles.
Part of me feels guilty. Like I’m part of the problem. I’m suddenly adding to the gender inequality problem, instead of the other way around. That stings. I feel selfish for stepping away and giving up.
But mostly, I’m excited. I’ve worked hard for this. I deserve it. And, it’ll feel good to put myself first for a change. Maybe I am being selfish, but that’s ok.
Fantasy is selfish–and that’s its power
It’s not a coincidence that I’m drawn to reading and writing fantasy at the same time I’m lighting my successful-but-soulless career on fire. I could write a whole post (ok, I’m gonna) on the way that fantasy creates new spaces for desire, agency, and perspective. These are essential ingredients to personal fulfillment that I erase and suppress at work.
Yeah, I’m done with that.
It might be naive. It’s probably selfish. It will certainly be expensive. But I’m ready to embrace my season of fantasy, to spend a summer reading and writing and spending time with the people and things I love.